A Different View

Based on the response I was getting from the comments, I knew that I needed to show a different perspective.  I thought about interviewing my dad, but I was more interested in how the teenage boy's mind works.  I decided to ask my friend (let's just call him Joe) if he would be willing to answer a few questions for me.  I tried to make it as casual as possible.  We had our conversation over text and I tried to make it not seem like an interview.
I'll give you a little background information from what I learned about Joe while texting him.  Joe said that of the girls he has dated, he considers three to be significant relationships.  The longest of those three lasted for seven months.  I haven't known Joe for very long, but in the time that I have known him, I would say he is a typical teenage guy and can be a flirt at times, but he really is a good guy, a great guy actually.  I told him about how my dad is constantly warning me about high school boys.  He always tells me that high school boys want one thing and one thing only.  I asked Joe what he thought about that and he said there are good guys out there but they tend to be looked over.  They aren't always the best-looking guys and that girls seem to get caught up in how attractive a guy is and miss out.  According to Joe, he said he would consider himself a good guy though because he tries to treat a girl the best he can and isn't after that one thing my dad has always warned me about.
I was curious as to what guys are attracted to when they see a girl.  Joe said that he is usually drawn in by her facial structure, but particularly her eyes and teeth.  I mean, I have heard people say that a girl's smile is the prettiest part about her.  He told me that honestly, how attractive a girl is is what he is most interested in, but that isn't the only factor.  A personality is what keeps the girl around.  If she is pretty but has no personality, Joe said he has no interest in her.  He said it's important for both to be present.
"If a girl thinks about her future with a guy, it's normal.  If a guy thinks about his future with a girl, he's serious."  This is a quote I have seen possibly everywhere: Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook, you name it.  In my first post I mentioned how girls my age are already planning their dream weddings.  It's easy for them to have control of things like whether they want a ballgown or A-line style dress or what the color scheme should be.  The one thing they cannot control, no matter what they want to believe, they don't know who that man will be standing at the end of the aisle.  But hey, a girl can dream right?!  Joe said that no, guys obviously don't dream about all the little details but he admits to wondering who he will marry.  He said that he doesn't care about how the wedding goes, as long as he marries the girl of his dreams.  However, guys will also date girls based on a not so distant picture of the future.  If they can't picture dating a girl, then they won't try to pursue it.  Overall, yes, guys do think about the future despite what most people think.
I know that Joe's view could be very different from a lot of guys, but still it is a guy's point of view.  I was actually surprised by some of the similarities.  It made me realize that not all guys are monsters (sorry, that might be too harsh of a word) and that there truly are great guys out there who care about and hope for a great future with someone they love.

Fairy Tale Ending

For my interview blog, I thought long and hard as to who I should interview.  I considering interviewing some of my friends, but I figured we would probably all have close to the same point of view.  I finally decided that I would interview my mom because, after all, her and my dad are who I have always looked up to to understand what love is.
I started out by asking my mom questions about when she met my dad.  She told me about how they met when they were 21.  About five months after they met they started dating but it didn't last very long.  They became friends after that because my dad moved back to Huntsville after college and my mom stayed in Jackson, MS.  During the time they dated however, my dad told my mom that he loved her.  She told me that she said she knew in her heart she did too but she couldn't say the words back.  Over the next three years my dad would come visit his friends in Jackson and would go and would get to see my mom too, but it wasn't until three years later that he finally said something to her.  Three years after he moved back to Huntsville, he finally came to Jackson and asked my mom what they were doing with their lives acting the way they were.  She finally told him that he was the one.  A few months later they were engaged and three months after that they were married.
I knew some of this story already, so I knew it worked well with my topic.  However I didn't know the whole story.  I was shocked to find out that over all my parents were actually dating for less than a year.  Considering they met when they were 21 and got married when they were 27, one year is not long at all.  I asked my mom what gave her hope and patience.  She responded with she never felt pressure to find a husband.  She had a great life and she actually enjoyed being single.  She said she had no intention of getting married right out of college.  She also said though that during the time my dad was living in Huntsville she couldn't stop thinking about him.  My mom said that she would think about him while she was teaching, watching television, anything.  She could not get him out of her head.  She explained that that was how she knew he was the one.
The one thing that stuck out the most to me that my mom told me was that she said she remembers praying to God asking Him to either get my dad off of her mind, or bring him back into her life so she could decide if she loved him or not.  Well obviously we know the end results of that prayer.  It made me think about how God has control of our love lives.  He has someone picked out for us.  My mom told me that she always believed someone was out there for her.

Finding Fulfillment

This summer I went to a church camp in Panama City Beach, Florida called RYM (Reformed Youth Ministries).  At the camp, of course we get to play games and have fun, but one of the requirements is to choose two seminars to attend for the week.  One of the seminars I chose was called "Dating."  A few days after writing my first blog post, I started thinking back to that seminar and decided I wanted to hear the lessons again.  I was actually able to find the sermons online and decided to use them for my research.  They were taught by a man named John Stone who is an RUF (Reformed University Fellowship) coordinator for several colleges.  I was surprised to find that he had given many speeches about this topic in numerous places. When I went back and listened to them, I remembered a lot of what he had taught, but I was still shocked to hear it a second time.  So now, I guess I'll be looking at my topic from a Christian perspective.  The podcast I listened to basically answered several of the questions that I didn't think would be possible to answer.

To start things off, the big question of "why do we love?" was one of the first things he addressed.  Stone explained how we are born with a desire to be with someone and to be in love.  As much as we want to believe that that desire we have will be fulfilled by a spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc, we are wrong.  Only one thing can satisfy our desire, and that is God.  After Stone said that, I let that sink in for a little bit and thought about how true that really is.  I think it makes complete sense.  It is that "want" that we have inside of us that pushes us through and gives us hope that we will find someone to love us.  It is comforting to know that what we have been looking for has been right there all along.

Even though I feel comforted in knowing this, I have new questions that have formed since hearing this.  If all we need is God, then why should we still search for our other half?  One of the things that John Stone said in his lesson that stood out to me was, "Women tend to love but not respect.  Men tend to respect but not love."  Those words have been on repeat over and over again in my head.  I think I understand what he means behind it, but I'm not entirely sure and I'm wondering if it applies to my life.

Listening to Stone's lessons won't change anyone's mind about wanting to find a physical and visible person to love and be with, but hearing what he has to say can help them with their motive.  If your motive behind wanting to find someone to love is because you feel empty inside, then you aren't going to find success.  Stone said that you will actually end up tearing each other down in the process of trying to find yourself in that person.  If you want real fulfillment, you are going to have to find that in Christ.

Why Love?

People say your best thinking comes as the night gets later. I guess that's why I'm writing this at 1:00 in the morning. I'm awake and thinking about my topic anyways, so I might as well write my thoughts down. When you see the title you could interpret it in many different ways. The first few that jump into my head are: "why did I pick love?" "why do we need love?" and "why should love even matter?"  Of course I'm a teenage girl and so boys are on my mind most of the time. Instead making boys a distraction at school, why don't I make them a part of my schoolwork? My number one goal of this blog is to not sound like some stupid teenage girl who is boy crazy. I have legitimate questions about love that I want to explore. I'm sure a lot of the questions I have, adults have as well.

At my age, a lot of girls are already thinking of getting married, whether it's planning their wedding on Pinterest, wondering when they are going to find their Prince Charming, or trying to picture themselves with a guy for the rest of their life. After going through some tough boy troubles over the past year, I've started questioning my values and why love is so important to us as humans. Love puts us through both Heaven and Hell. Despite having my heart broken, I've begun to wonder is love really worth heartbreak?

After someone goes through a breakup, they most likely feel like they will never love again.  Typically though, that feeling is false. More times than not, that person will find someone else.  But why do people put themselves back into vulnerable situations? Do they not realize that they could easily go back into the deep pit they were in before? What gives a person hope that they won't get hurt again? In my case, why should I risk getting hurt again?

I admit to being a very emotional person. An idea as to how emotional I am: I just cried at the last football game. I do not play football, cheer, or play in the band. I just cried because I'm emotional.  Because of this, I have a fear of being hurt. I would say I just have to be taught once and I learn my lesson, but that isn't always true.  So what makes this time different?  Everyday, I weigh my options as to whether going after another relationship is worth my time and energy again. I have to choose whether to live with regrets, or be thankful I didn't hurt my heart.

I wonder all the time if I have found the one I'm going to marry.  That is rather embarrassing to say, but I'll put it out there anyways. Statistics show that around 70% of people have met the person they're going to marry by the time they graduate high school. If that's true do I fall in that 70%? How can I be sure that that person is the one? 

I feel like the more questions I ask, the fewer answers I receive. I hope that by the end of this assignment, that by getting all my questions out, I'll find a few answers, but that those few answers will be well worth it.